Lost in the Dream
by Jubalii
Summary: Seras stayed out too long in the rain. Poor kid. Now, she's lost and she's got to find her way back to her master before things get a little too hectic. However, a few colorful characters manage to throw kinks in her path! (Rated T for... language? Just to be safe.)


"Excellent job as always, Alucard." Sir Integra absently tapped her cigar against a metal pole before sticking it back between her teeth. "And how did she do?" she asked vaguely, knowing that he would understand who she meant. Her servant smiled, but as always his features gave off a neutral feel rather than any sort of real emotion.

"She's learning. Slowly but surely." He was about to say something else when a drop of water hit his hat, bouncing off the tightly drawn fabric of the brim with a _plink _before landing in between them. Alucard stared down at it as if he wanted to condemn the droplet for interrupting; Sir Integra was busying herself with her gloves, trying not to laugh at the comical expression that crossed the vampire's face. Suddenly, the heavens opened and the warehouse roof began to thunder with the sound of pouring rain hitting metal. More wayward drops fell through cracks in the corroding ceiling and they both stepped out of the way to a drier spot to continue their conversation.

"In any case. I'm still not entirely happy with this turnout, vampire. If anything goes wrong with her, it's on your case." Alucard bowed his head in acceptance, but said nothing. She waved him away and he turned slowly to walk out of the abandoned warehouse. Sir Integra crossed her arms, shivering slightly as the building began to cool from the rain.

"It's been a good six months now. Miss Victoria is a perfectly well-behaved young lady; I don't think you need to worry about her." A warm feeling came across her shoulders and she lifted a hand to feel that a blanket had been draped over her. Her retainer and guardian walked around to stand in front of her, holding a closed and dripping umbrella in his hand.

"Six months, six years; she's a new vampire yet. I just can't bring myself to believe that she's not going to lose control one day." Integra blew smoke and crushed the remains of the cigar underneath her boot. "I'm worried about my men; Hellsing is the one place they should feel unconditional safety." Walter smiled knowingly and began to lead her to the large set of double doors.

"I honestly don't think Alucard would allow her to hurt anyone," he admitted. "And even so, I'm certain that Miss Victoria wouldn't allow herself to hurt anyone, either. And she has been drinking the blood we give her; she's beginning to understand why we do what we do." Integra didn't reply, but her frown said everything. Walter hummed to himself and opened the umbrella before allowing Sir Integra to step under it. Together they walked under the protective fabric to the Jeeps that stood idle, waiting to be filled with soldiers and the cleanup crew.

Off to the side, Seras and Alucard stood in the middle of the rain. Both of them acted as though they didn't notice the fact that their clothes were becoming soaked through. Alucard's hat served as protection of sorts, but Seras' hair stuck to her neck and hung loosely over her shoulders. She was talking to Alucard, pointing off at the warehouse before waving her arms in a strange way. Alucard responded with a quick sentence and Seras shrugged in reply before running off to jump into an almost-full Jeep. Alucard dissolved into shadows.

"I wonder what it is that they talk about," Walter said conversationally as he held the umbrella over the car that Integra would be riding in. She opened the door and got inside and he shut it before walking across to the driver's seat.

"I honestly don't care," Integra replied, her voice low. Walter looked in the review mirror to see her watching the men move across the fields in front of the warehouse, who making sure the rain would wash away all of the carnage left behind by Alucard and his new little protégé.

"You know," he remarked as he shifted into "Drive" and pulled out onto the roadway, turning the windshield wipers on the highest setting, "I think that Seras is good for him. It gives him something of a hobby, training her. And whether he likes it or not she's one for good conversation. I think he ended up becoming more attached to her than he would have liked to be."

"All the worse for him when she makes the decision to leave. Or she makes a mistake and my men put a bullet through her heart." Integra's eyes didn't move from the window. Walter looked up at the mirror again, watching her before his eyes went back to the road. A smile spread across his face and he began to whistle softly. _Young ones, _he thought to himself cheerily. _They just don't see things the way we old codgers do. _

* * *

Seras woke from her slumber, her eyes not even opening before the thought crossed her mind. _I'm going to puke. Oh God. _She threw the lid to her coffin open, stumbling out into the room. To her surprise, a maid was in the room cleaning. The maid let out a violent shriek, but was clearly more surprised than afraid. Seras brushed past her to get to her private bathroom (being one of two women at Hellsing, Integra had agreed to give her a room away from every Peeping Tom, Dick, and Harry that swarmed the ranks).

Throwing open the lid, she heaved twice before throwing up her last meal into the toilet. She coughed and sputtered, sinking to her knees. Spitting at the foul taste, she moaned slightly and opened one eye to see the blackish-green sludge that had once been blood lying in clumps in the toilet. At the putrid sight she gagged again, but this time only clear fluid came out of her bowels. She had nothing else to throw up, but her body kept convulsing in vain.

She felt something smooth her hair back and suddenly a cool washcloth pressed itself into her hand. She coughed again, sniffing and wiped her mouth with the cloth before looking up weakly. The maid flushed the toilet. After a moment, she smiled kindly, her middle-aged face gentle.

"Do you think you're done?" she asked softly, her hand brushing the bangs away from Seras' sweaty forehead. Seras nodded, not trusting her stomach enough to open her mouth. The maid turned and left the room, telling her to wait for a minute. Seras sat on the cool floor and after a minute, she began to tremble uncontrollably. Her teeth chattered and she put down the cloth to rub her arms, goose bumps showing up on the pale flesh. The maid returned quickly enough with Walter in tow. Walter took one look at the miserable girl on the floor and tutted sympathetically.

"Lina, run to the cupboard and bring me back a blanket or a quilt, if you would." The maid nodded and in another moment was gone. Seras closed her eyes, the room suddenly spinning out of control. Walter picked her up carefully, stopping once or twice as she swayed on her feet. "My, my. Someone stayed out in the rain too long, I do believe. Miss Victoria, you are well and truly ill." He placed her in her coffin, fluffing up the pillow before smoothing her hair the same way the maid had done.

"V-v-v-vampires ca-can't g-get ill," she managed to say around the audible clicking of her teeth. "I-i-it's just a-always s-s-so cold d-down here." Walter shushed her and eased her hands down from her upper arms. Seras' vision was blurred around the edges, but she saw the maid reappear at her feet with a bulky lump in her hands. She and Walter spread it out and suddenly Seras was cocooned in a cool quilt. A fresh cloth was folded and laid on her forehead, despite her feeble protest about it being too cold.

"Now, you rest and don't worry about getting up. I'll be by later with some food to see if we can get something onto your stomach," Walter promised. He smiled kindly at her and then she was in darkness as the lid closed. She closed her eyes, burrowing down into the quilt despite her flaming face. Slowly, yet more quickly than she realized it, she passed seamlessly from this world to a strange half-aware state known only to those that have fever-dreams.

* * *

"Of course, you'll be bringing the Police Girl with you," Integra said starkly as she stacked the papers on her desk before paper-clipping them into a manila folder. "Go and fetch her at once." Alucard bowed and was about to leave when Walter walked through the office door.

"The Police Girl will be going nowhere tonight, I'm afraid." When both Alucard and Integra stared at him in puzzlement, he shrugged with a sad look on his face. "She spent far too long in the rain yesterday. The maid came around 10:00 am to inform me that "the female vampire" was awake and vomiting her innards out in the bathroom. I went down to confirm this and found Miss Victoria in a deplorable state. She couldn't even get back on her feet without my assistance, and she was burning with fever."

"What?!" Integra's eyes widened and she turned to Alucard. "What!?" she repeated. Alucard's face turned serious and he threw a glance in his master's direction. "I thought—vampires don't catch ill." She immediately grabbed her cigar case and lit a fresh one to calm herself. "There's something wrong with this picture, vampire. And I don't like it one bit." Alucard shook his head.

"A new vampire, one that's not yet at least fifty years old—they are susceptible to human diseases. Some of them, anyway; they won't die from it, but…." he trailed off and frowned at Walter. "Where is the Police Girl?" he asked quickly.

"In her coffin, where I left her," Walter said, his eyebrows rising in surprise. He hadn't expected Alucard to be so disquieted by the situation. The vampire strode by, brushing Walter aside as the mission lay forgotten on the table. Picking it up, Integra followed him with Walter in close pursuit.

"Where are you going?" she snapped impatiently. Alucard didn't look back.

"To the basement. If my fledgling is still ill after a number of hours, she clearly wasn't well-tended to." Walter scoffed at the thought that he would neglect a young sick woman, but he followed anyway.

Alucard walked through the metal door, leaving the humans to open it and come inside. When they managed to get around the heavy obstacle, they found him with the coffin lid open, staring down at the figure within.

Seras slept soundly enough, but a frown was on her face as she shivered slightly. Her cheeks glowed dark pink and sweat beaded on her nose and chin, although she was clearly huddled for warmth under the patchwork quilt that had been tucked firmly around her. He bent down on one knee and Integra peered in over his shoulder.

"My." she said as she stared at the policewoman, a rare look of pity on her face. "She's still clearly feverish." Alucard said nothing, but he carefully removed one glove and placed his cold fingers against her cheek. She mumbled under her breath and moved away from the digits, a shudder wracking her small frame.

Walter knelt beside Alucard, pulling the warm, dry cloth from Seras' forehead and putting a fresh, cooler one in its place. The girl's eyes opened and she stared blearily at the three of them standing over her. Blinking, she focused on Integra and her frown became more pronounced.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I'd be up and about, but I've been called to tea," she explained in a weak voice before closing her eyes again. In another moment, she was asleep once more. Alucard shut the lid of the coffin quietly and turned to point at the door.

"Out. My fledgling needs rest," he ordered. Integra opened her mouth to argue, but Walter grabbed her shoulders and gently turned her to leave. "You humans have tended her poorly. I'll take over now." He sat on the single chair in her room, kicking his feet up on the table and waving his hand. A glass of wine appeared in it and he took a sip as he watched them leave.

Truth be told, he supposed that Walter would have tended to her to the best of his ability. He was surprised to see such old usages being applied to something as common as a fever. He remembered from long ago, in _his _youth, that people placed cold cloths on the body to draw out the heat. He half-expected Walter to insist that she be bled as well. Still, Walter had said that she had thrown up her dinner. If she managed to wake, he should try and get her to eat. He looked over at the closed lid, taking another slow drink.

He remembered her standing in the rain, asking him if they should close the doors to the warehouse to keep out vandals. He'd told her that it didn't matter since vandals would find a way in anyway. Thinking back, at her soaked uniform and dripping hair, and the slight sneeze he'd heard her give as she got into the Jeep; he hadn't thought a single thing about her catching cold from the rain. He should've. He mentally berated himself for a moment before shrugging and letting the slightly guilty feeling pass. Nothing to do about it now, but sit and watch and remedy the situation once the fever broke.

* * *

It was true. Seras had been invited for tea. Well, the invitation had come from a stuffed bear with a cowboy hat and American Southern accent, but an invitation was an invitation, wasn't it? So Seras sat in her favorite blue dress, the one her mummy had bought her for her birthday when she turned four. The cute blue pinafore looked as if it had belonged in another time, with its ruffled shoulders and flouncy skirt-part. Underneath she wore a plain white shirt with lace on the collar and sleeves.

For a five-year-old, it was a perfect teatime outfit.

"Would you like another cookie?" Lady Bunny asked as she held out the plate, her whiskers quivering. Seras nodded and took an almond cookie from the plate, biting it daintily and patting her chin with the napkin in her lap.

Major Bear-a-hand coughed and covered his mouth with one paw politely before continuing his story about the Great Toy War and his role as the Commander at the battle of Toy Box Hill. Seras nodded as she listened to him tell of the tin soldiers' bravery and sacrifice as they were overrun by the enemy's green army men.

"Oh, enough of this terrible slaughter! This is a tea party!" Princess Dolly said, shaking her head from side to side. Her red yarn hair flew about her before settling down on her shoulders under her yellow cloth crown.

"I thought it was interesting," Seras admitted as she finished her cookie. Princess Dolly frowned, but didn't reply.

"Princess Seras, I daresay that ladies shouldn't enjoy such rough speech," Lady Bunny said for her. "What would the King say if he knew you were talking about killing men and bloody wars?" Seras shrugged.

"I think the King would like me to talk of blood. He is a vampire, after all," she admitted as she poured herself another cup of tea, topping off the Major's cup as well. "But Mummy and Daddy would say that blood and guts are grownup things, I suppose." As if on cue, her mother's voice called from somewhere outside the closed door.

"Seras! Dinnertime! Come and wash up!" She stood and bowed to the gathered lords and ladies of the Grand Tea Party.

"My mother calls, so I must leave. Please excuse me," she said politely as she gave a wobbly curtsey for good measure. Not only would her parents hate for her to be impolite, but she was a _princess _after all and the King would have expected her to be setting an example for the other vampires in the kingdom.

"Goodbye, Princess Seras," the stuffed lords and ladies called in unison and she waved to them before skipping out of the room. She walked to the bathroom, noticing the strange stains on the white carpeted floor. It looked like someone walked in with muddy shoes. Shadowy-looking footprints on the ground went down the hall and to the lit kitchen.

"Oh, Daddy must have forgotten to take his boots off when he got home," she said as she rinsed the soap off her hands and stood on her tiptoes to dry it on a towel. "Mummy will be angry." She followed the footprints, sticking her own little Mary-janes in the large stains. The foot was three times the size of her little shoe, and she giggled at the thought of someone with such large feet.

When she hopped into the kitchen, her first thought was that everything had been painted red. On closer look, she stopped short as she realized the "paint" on the walls wasn't paint at all. It was thick and dark and dripping everywhere; on the ceiling, on the floors, on the walls and leaking out of the stove and on the countertops and the table and….

"Oh-oh!" Seras squeaked, covering her eyes with tiny hands. "Blood!" she cried. A man laughed in the corner and she peeked out to see a stranger sitting at the table, in one of the chairs. He was dressed in an all-brown suit, with a pinstripe button-up shirt beneath it and a bright purple tie.

_Snazzy, _Seras couldn't help but think as she looked at the brown fedora with the cream-colored band. The man's skin was almost as brown as his suit, with a brown, thin mustache that seemed immaculately kept. The man waved at her, and the white of his glove looked strange against the dark colors of his suit. She saw his eyes underneath the band of the hat; they were a strange, sickly yellowish color. It made her nauseous, but she couldn't figure out why.

"Oh, look. I've found myself a little _gatita_. Where have you been hiding? You missed the fun." The man stood and began to move towards her. He reached into his pocket, and when he pulled out a playing card a name popped to the front of Seras' mind.

"Dandy Man!" she squealed, backing away and slipping on the bloody linoleum. She didn't know _how _she knew his name, but it was in her mind, clear as could be. He was supposed to be dead, but he was here and she was scared! "Go away, you mean, mean man! You hurt a bunch of people!" she said, trying to sound mean and brave like her daddy did when he talked to criminals. But her voice was tiny and they trembled coming out of her mouth, like her words were as scared as she was.

"Oh really?" The Dandy Man laughed and continued to advance on the child. "I'm so frightened! This little _gatita _has made me feel so bad for everything I've done! Boo-hoo-hoo, I need to go turn myself in to the police!" he sobbed, and she knew he was making fun of her. She stamped her foot on the ground, but when he laughed again and reached for her she screamed and ducked under him. "_Why you little_—" he shouted, and she heard her dress tear as he grabbed the end of it. She didn't stop, instead escaping past him and into the living room.

"Mummy! Mummy!" she called, running into the living room. She tripped over the doorstop and landed on the hardwood floor. "Oww." She sat up and immediately screamed, coming face to face with her father. He sat dead, a big hole where his chest was, his eyes staring straight through her. She covered her eyes, tears running between her fingers. "No! Daddy, no!"

"There she is! There's the filthy brat who took my eye!" she twisted around and gasped as the two horrid men who did this to her daddy stood there, one of them bloody-faced and pointing. She screamed and scrambled out of the way as gunshots rang through the air. "C'mere, you filthy piglet! I'll teach you something yet!"

_Listen to your mum; stay in the closet_. Taking panicked breaths, Seras turned tail and ran between the bigger man's legs, hearing his shout of surprise as she dove for the closet. Opening it, she ran into something nasty-smelling and hard and backed up. Looking up, up, up, she came eye to eye with the vicar from Cheddar. He laughed loudly and grabbed for her hair. Falling on her back, Seras kicked her feet and moved across the floor as fast as she could.

"Such innocent, _sweet _virgin blood. I'm going have a good time draining you, my dear." He ran towards her, his feet echoing in the now empty living room. Seras cried in terror and flipped over, fighting her feet as she ran for the hallway that led back to the foyer of the flat. She bounced against the door before her hands finally moved to open it, and she slammed it behind her as she ran through.

She made it to the front door and flung it open, stopping just enough to avoid running into two people standing immediately on the other side. Her eyes widened as she recognized the men who'd shot up Hellsing mansion. The brown-skinned one saluted her with two fingers and bent down to her level.

"Table for two?" he sneered and his brother let out a bark of laughter behind him.

"No!" Seras yelled and slammed the door on his nose. She heard him cursing behind the wood and turned to run back, only to hear the vampire vicar scratching at the other door. She backed against the hall mirror, hugging herself and crying. What was she supposed to do? She was surrounded. "Help me, help me," she whimpered to someone, _anyone_, even though she knew there was no friendly faces anywhere for her to turn to. "Please, _help me_,_" _she wailed, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

Suddenly, the foyer darkened as if the sun had gone behind the clouds. The mirror _wiggled_ behind her and it felt as though two arms curled around her small form, holding her comfortingly. She began to gain control of her tears and sniffed, rubbing her face on her arms and leaning back on a phantom shoulder.

_Why are you afraid? Nightmares shouldn't be frightened of other nightmares. _She spun around on her heel as the voice whispered in her ear. The mirror was pitch black, with bright red eyes glowing like embers in the center. The eyes took her in appraisingly and the disembodied voice gave a soft, wordless murmur. Seras stared for a moment with morbid curiosity at the eyes, which stared back at her as if waiting for an answer. When she finally spoke up, her voice sounded like a grownups.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she snapped. Did those eyes just call her a nightmare? She was nothing of the sort! She was well-behaved and raised properly and for God's sake, she surely didn't act like those monsters that she'd just escaped from!

The eyes narrowed, but for some reason she attributed it to mirth rather than anger. The disembodied voice laughed smoothly, sounding like audible silk in the air, and it whispered something that sounded vaguely like "oh, my Police Girl", though she couldn't really hear it all that well.

"Think about it," the voice piped up, and then the eyes shut and the murky darkness in the mirror faded to show a very bewildered and exhausted policewoman, not a small child.

"Dinnertime!" her mother shouted, almost as if the last few moments had been nothing but a loop, and now it was playing all over again. Seras turned in the direction of the kitchen, but her parent's home no longer felt inviting and happy. She longed for a glimpse of a full moon. She longed to go to a place where time began to make sense.

So she opened the front door and stepped out into the night.

* * *

"The hell is all this?" Seras grumbled. She'd walked down the stairs, but once she exited the building the flats were located in she'd found herself not in downtown London, but instead in the middle of a bright forest.

Well, it was bright enough. She could see the harvest moon hanging low in the trees and the little creatures of the forest wandered around on the path in front of her, unafraid of her intrusion onto their land. She watched the bright eyed owls in the trees, and the deer wandering in front of her, and she felt sort of happy, if not lost and confused.

She walked a ways before she heard the telltale sounds of singing through the trees. Listening quietly, she could swear it was a song about… tea. She peered through the thick branches, but she could see nothing but light shining somewhere in the forest's depths. She didn't want to leave the safety of the path, but even so—

"Well, it may not be _far _off the path," she said aloud as she pushed aside the flower-laden branches and walked through the forest, stumbling over roots. She came across a clearing after about five minutes of forcing trees aside.

"How wouldja like some tea? You wanna cup'a tea?" sang a girl, pouring what was clearly _not _tea into a broken cup. The steaming liquid stayed, amazingly, inside the cup as if it were whole. The girl herself was something else.

Curled silver hair that shone as bright as the moon above was neatly styled underneath a large top hat. The black hat had a pretty pale red band with feathers a—knife?—stuck in the fabric. The girl's pinafore matched her hatband and was decorated with black cats and aces. The puffed sleeves of the white undershirt made her little arms seem like sticks. She wore bright white tights with more cats decorating the strings that laced up and down the sides and her feet, though covered in the stocking part of the tights, were bare.

Noticing Seras, the girl looked up at Seras balked at the fact that her eyes were two colors, a watery burgundy on the left, and a soft midnight blue on the right. She smiled widely and Seras noticed the two tiny fangs and frowned despite herself. A vampire?

"Hey you!" the girl called. "Don't be shy, come over here and have a nice cup'a tea!" she held up the teapot and Seras found herself slowly creeping over to the wide stump that seemed to serve as a table. "What's your name?" the girl asked conversationally as she reached into the pocket on the front of the pinafore. Pulling out a whole cup and saucer, she placed it before Seras and filled it. "Quit your buggering. Guests get the good china," she said to the air, as if someone had raised a complaint.

"Um, Seras." Seras took the cup a sniffed. Of course. Blood. "What's yours?" The girl picked at a sharp chip on her own cup and looked up with a small grin.

"Name's Kette. It's my forest, my tea party, and you're my guest." She took a long look at the cup before biting off a piece. The porcelain crunched in her mouth and she swallowed. "Oh, that's good. Feel free to take a bite out of yours, too. I don't mind sharing." Seras stared, slack-jawed, and quickly put the cup down.

"Um, not to be rude, but I don't have time to stay and linger around. I have to find my way back home." Kette tilted her head sweetly.

"Home?" she asked in a squeaky falsetto. "Where's that?" Seras opened her mouth, but after a terse moment she took her cup and drank for a second.

"I don't know. Wherever my Master is, I guess." Kette tittered, one hand over her mouth. Seras noticed the sharp ends on the younger girl's fingers, looking more like claws that real human nails. She paled slightly and looked down at the blood.

"Oh, that's so sweet!" Kette finally said after she calmed down. "Aren't you just a little darling?!" She pushed her curls behind one ear and patted Seras' head, hopping up and sitting down amidst the china on the stump to do so. "Well, Kette has a surprise for the darling little blondie."

"Huh?" Seras looked up but Kette grabbed her chin. Seras winced at the sharp nails biting into her flesh as her head was swung down and Kette pointed at a pathway that appeared in the trees, looking as if it'd been there the entire time.

"Little blondie, you go down that'a way. Then you'll find out how to get home. I think. Well, that's what the others say anyway." she shrugged and looked around the empty table. "You pillocks better not be steering me wrong. You wouldn't like me if I was mad." Seras backed away from the table, but Kette all of a sudden jumped up and kicked the stump. It fell over and a lizard scurried out from under the hole it made in the dirt. "Thief! Harlot! Stop him! Stop him!" Kette took off after the lizard, screeching about thieves and whore's children. Seras looked down and moaned. Her police uniform was covered in bloody "tea". The broken china lay all around her and crunched under her boots as she moved towards the path Kette had pointed out for her. She looked back in the direction the looney vampire had went, but not another peep sounded from the forest.

"Who was that girl?" Seras asked, feeling slightly concerned. _I hope that she didn't spike that blood with anything. _

* * *

Seras had lost track of time and had broken down to screaming obscenities at the trees and kicking at the animals. She'd been walking the path for _such _a long time. It was about the fifth time she passed the strange looking rock with the moss in the shape of Italy that she realized she'd been going in circles. She'd kept going, only to realize that she was on a path loop of some sort and there was no way to come back the way she'd went. She'd turned and ran in the opposite direction, but she still ended up next to that… next to that…

"Gah-er-ugh-STUPID ROCK!" she screamed, tearing her hair out and swinging a kick to the poor rock. It only served for her to get one hell of a foot ache and she squealed in pain. She began to run pell-mell, brushing past low-hanging limbs and ignoring the rock each time she passed it.

"Bitch! She trapped me on some weird nightmarish path!" Seras half-sobbed, brushing tears out of her eyes as she ran. "How am I supposed to get home now?!" Finally, instead of turning the curve she just ran through the thick trees, letting the thorns on the ground sting her through her thigh-high socks as she fought her way through the forest. "I. Am. Getting. _Out-of-here_!" she shouted.

A root wrapped around her boot (how the hell? Was the forest alive?) and she went sprawling with a yelp. She landed on the ground, arms in front of her and nose deep in the sand. _Wait, sand!?_ She sat up and spit out a mouthful of the grainy stuff.

"How the hell do I get into these situations?!" she moaned. "I'm not even looking for trouble!" She lay in the sand for a moment, listening to the sound of waves before standing up and brushing off her uniform. Sand stuck to her, but as she brushed it off she found herself amazed; the stains from the semi-insane tea party were nowhere to be found. She stared for a couple of moments at her chest and the dry uniform before looking around to see where she'd ended up.

The forest was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she saw the moon, hanging low above the ocean. The waves splashed up onto the sand, the sound rhythmic and soothing. She looked behind her at what appeared to be a deserted boardwalk, the planks covered with sand and worn rough by the salty spray. She saw shrubby plants growing on the sand dunes and little crabs scuttled around in their own little world. There was a couple of backless benches to one side, and only one other person was there besides her.

He sat with his back to her, looking at the waves. Dark black hair spilled like silk over the shoulders and tumbled down his back, glimmering in the moonlight. A glimpse of red in between the long strands, combined with pale skin and a long, lean body told her everything she needed to know. She _knew _him!

"Master!" she cried happily, scrambling over the dunes to the bench where he sat. The man looked over his shoulder before flipping around on the bench to throw his legs over the opposite side and face her. She stopped in her tracks, staring dumbfounded at him.

Pale, exposed legs with fine, dark hairs covering the almost-gray skin. His long hair covered his arms, but his torso was bare with a patch of hair running over his chest. The splash of crimson happened to be _swimming trunks_, complete with pale red Hawaiian floral designs down the side. Orange-tinted sunglasses hung off the end of his nose, showing bright crimson eyes that matched the trunks perfectly.

Spying her, he smiled and his fangs glowed wetly in the moonlight. His eyes raked over her form and he clicked his tongue at her, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Seras felt her jaw drop to the ground.

"Po-lice _babe_," he purred, and she shivered at the "surfer" accent emanating from every syllable.

"Not Master. Not Master," she squeaked, backing away as quickly as she had ran forward. "Definitely NOT Master!" The creature that resembled her creator waggled his eyebrows at her and she felt like screaming. This—of all things, _this_—was most certainly not right! There was nothing right at all about it!

"Police babe," he repeated and she paused, her eyes focused on his mouth. "Tonight," he began, pointing up at the moon with one long finger. "Tonight is totally a mondo radical night."

Seras fainted.

"Mmmph." Seras groaned and opened her eyes, staring at the splash of red that swam before them. The red shifted and the edge of a luau flower came into view, making her sit straight up. She gawked at the lap that had been her pillow, and then at the man who it belonged to.

"Yo, Police Babe. You're awake; cool." He pushed the sunglasses up on his face. "I thought you might be whacking out on me, brah." She mouthed the word "brah" before shaking her head and backing away.

"Who-who are you?!" she finally spit out. The man smiled at her and pointed a thumb at himself.

"Just call me Card, babe. Rider of waves and lover of ladies," he added with a wink. She stared at him, her eyes wide and mouth hanging open as she tried to think of something to say. Finally she swallowed and put his hand back on his lap, only to have him snake it around her waist again.

"I'm Seras. Not… _brah_, and not Police Babe," she said firmly. He shook his head, one hand coming up to flick her nose and she winced, irritated.

"_You_ are a smoking hot Police Babe. Police Babe will do," he countered and she sighed.

"What—what are you doing here?" she asked and he pointed to a dark red and black surfboard standing upright in the sand closer to the ocean.

"The moon controls the waves, and I control the moon, Police Babe. Thus, I am the most radical surfer on the beach. No one can measure to this ultimate awesomeness." He thumped his chest and she looked away with a blush. _Good God; how the hell am I supposed to deal with this?! _

"Yo, look out, brah!" he threw her on the sand and she was about to yell at him when a swarm of bats came out of nowhere. On the ground, she watched him watch the bats fly into the air and settle around a figure walking towards them. "Whoa. Die Fledermaus."

"Oh—oh my God…" Seras felt her breath catch as she saw the vampire vicar for the second time that night, although this time he was at least eight feet tall and twice as burly. He also had his ghoul army with him. "It's him!" she squeaked, crawling under the bench. Card bent over to look at her before looking at the vicar. His brows knitted and he scoffed.

"These vampire wannabes are a total bummer, brah. I can see why you wanna hide." Seras shook her head before climbing out the other side and standing behind him. She put her hands on his shoulders, part of her brain chiming about how warm he felt, and bent down to hide herself better.

"That guy's after me!" she whispered frantically in his ear. "He wants to rape me and drain my blood!"

"Whoa," Card replied. "That's not cool." He stared at the approaching vicar, but didn't move. Seras smacked his arm.

"Where's your guns?! Please tell me you have your guns!" she gasped as her enemy came close enough for her to see the lines his smile made on his face. Card winked up at her and flexed, opening his mouth. "No!" she cut him off exasperatedly. "The Jackal and the Cassul!"

"Not guns, babe," he corrected. "Surfboards." He pointed at the board on the beach. "That's the Jackal there. It's bigger than my Cassul, but a bit harder to handle. That's why I'm practicing with it tonight."

"Oh no." Seras wilted. She turned and kicked sand up at the vicar, who snarled and wiped his eyes. Taking her chance, she grabbed Card's hand and linked her fingers in his before breaking off in a run. She thought he'd protest or rip her arm out of its socket with dead weight, but he immediately matched her pace and they sped off across the sand, leaving the moaning of the Ghouls behind them.

"Where are we going?" he called to her, his eyes lighting up with humor. She wanted to smack him. He was having a fun time, and here she was on the run from… from… she stopped.

_Nightmares shouldn't be afraid of other nightmares. _Her Master's voice echoed in her mind and she turned to face the rapidly approaching vampire, who had given chase.

"We're going to find my way back to my master. But first, we're going to deal with this guy." Card shrugged, his hand still in hers. She looked at their intertwined fingers and let go, brushing her hand on her uniform as her face heated up.

"Tubular." Card stood at her side, shoulder to shoulder as the vicar stopped right in front of them. Seras scowled at the hideous man, one hand running her bangs out of her face.

"I'm not afraid of you," she told him, ignoring the high-pitched laugh the vampire gave. He lunged for her and she punched him in the face, feeling his nose break. The spinal cord gave way a moment later and his head went flying in a shower of blood that stained the sand pink. The body fell and Card jumped over it to kick the head out into the ocean like a ball.

Seras laughed at the sight of the vicar's head arcing through the air, silhouetted by the moon for a glorious moment before falling with a splash into the sea. Card guffawed as well, brushing his hair behind his shoulders with one hand before turning back to Seras.

"We gotta go back for my board," he told her and she nodded. He held out a hand and she blushed, stepping forward to link her arm in his instead. He accepted it and they began to walk back in the direction they'd come.

"It's so weird," she said after a moment. "You look just like my master, but you are his polar opposite." Card walked in silence for a moment before answering.

"I think if you looked hard enough, you'd find some of me in him. After all, there's a little bit of opposite in everyone. Otherwise we'd all be predictable."

"Hmm." Seras looked out at the ocean, her mind slowly calming down. A walk on the beach with a handsome man; that was one of the things she'd always hoped for in her life. Now it was happening, even though she'd thought that she'd never be able to see it. The warm breeze lifted her hair and she smiled. _Nice… _

* * *

It wasn't long before they found the boardwalk with the benches and the surfboard. Card walked over to it, picking it up from the sand and turning back to Seras.

"Come in the water with me. The ocean is mondo cool." Seras smiled sadly as he waited for her.

"Vampires can't cross running water," she reminded him. There'd be no use going into the water. Card shook his head and laughed quietly.

"'s all cool, Police Babe. We're not crossing the ocean." He made a wave motion with his arm. "We're riding her luscious curves to the shore." Seras snorted and shook her head, but she waded out to ankle-length as he ran into the waves and hopped on his board. "Come on!" She laughed and fought the waves, swimming her way out to where he waited. The ocean was pretty calm, with no large waves. Card sat on his board, watching the horizon.

"What will you do now?" Seras asked, looking up at him. It didn't bother her that her uniform was wet and weighing her down, or that her shoes had come off in the water and she couldn't feel them. Card looked at her briefly before facing the horizon again.

"I'll wait. And when the right one comes, I'll catch her and I won't let her go until we're both at the shore." Seras frowned; it sounded like a cheap metaphor, rather than a simple wave. She shrugged to herself and lay back in the water, floating on her back and looking up at the sky. The waves rocked her and the sky was beginning to light up with the impending dawn.

"Your fever's broken," Card spoke up. She looked over to see him smiling wistfully at her. "I told you the ocean was mondo cool." She giggled and felt herself slipping away from the crazy world she was in; slipping back to a world where time made sense and men that were dead stayed dead, a world where her quiet, serious master was waiting for her. A world where she belonged, no matter how much she wanted to stay where things were topsy-turvy and strange.

"I wish you could come with me. It's silly, but I wish my master acted like you, only sometimes."

"There's a bit of opposite in everyone, Police Babe." He was not much more than a voice now. "Look closely, and sometimes you might find me in his actions." She closed her eyes, letting the waves carry her down into their cool depths.

* * *

When she opened them again, it was because someone had their arm around her, lifting her out of the ocean. She glanced up to see Alucard, her master, and smiled weakly. He gave her an incredibly rare smile—an honest smile—and held up a cup to her lips.

"Drink, Police Girl. You're ill." She obediently opened her mouth and he tipped the glass, letting the warm liquid run down her throat. She swallowed and shook her head when he offered it again, and he lay her down in the coffin. She heard the clink of glass as he sat the cup aside and she blinked sleepily up at him. She was tired.

"Master," she croaked and he patted her head like she was a child.

"You're awake, so Walter can care for you now. I'm going on a mission before the sun rises." He stood. "I suggest that you rest, because if you're not up and ready for action when the sun sets tonight, I will personally come down here and drag you from your coffin. No fledgling of mine is going to be a layabout."

"A mission?" she asked. He nodded and she motioned for him to come back. He bent down and she grinned, looking like a ghost of her healthy self. The act made Alucard sneer, but she knew it was his "glad" sneer. "Is it a big one?"

"Yes," he admitted, one eyebrow raising above his glasses. She saw his eyes behind the lenses looking at her.

"You think there'll be a big fight?" she inquired. A twinkle lit one eye and he grinned widely, his fangs glinting in the light of the room.

"Yes," he said with a sadistically elated sigh, imagining the battle.

"And lots of bloodshed and violence?" she whispered, taking a strange delight in his own gleefulness. He smiled and his eyes burned with hellfire.

"Oh, _yes_," he purred, his eyes trained on her. They shared a heated look and he dissipated with a cruel laugh, ready for battle. Seras laughed to herself, willing her body to get better so she could go with him on tomorrow night's mission. She lay back and closed her eyes, hearing Walter coming down the hall to her room.

"Righteous."

* * *

**Afterword**: Happy Valentine's Day! Here's a little something special from Juju to her Scarf-Clad Army. You know, I love every little soldier in my SCA. So even if you're single, you can still party with me. :D I know, it's not a lot. But I have pizza!

SurferCard is a little creation of AvengingNeko's and mine. She told me a quote… something about vampires being Righteous. And I told her it reminded me of surfers. Then that creation was born, with the words: "Tonight is a mondo radical night, Police Babe." So here's your asphyxiation-prone fic, Ketti! Enjoy!

Naturally, this one is basically humor-based. Nothing too serious, I think. Well, except for Card's sorta philosophical notion that we all have a little bit of an opposite that shows through now and again. Anyway, tell me what you think! Juju lives off reviews. It makes her Valentine's Day all the more fun

**(OwO)7 Ciao! **


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